Chapter Text
“No, I'm serious.” Himari was tossing out handfuls of birdseed to the fat pigeons they'd been visiting the last week when they wanted to meet up. “He's literally using the 'jealousy manipulation' method to get Obito's attention.”
“I noticed. Gai told me he was spending a lot of time with him.” He took a handful and scattered it for the sparrows that had come nearby.
Genma wasn't exactly the best choice for a confidant, but he was better than Ebisu, who was a gross pig. At least he'd stopped being gross to Genma when he went on hormones, it made later missions with him bearable.
Himari had been a sort of... Oh moment for him. She understood him. Her experience was different than his in a lot of ways, but the basics were similar enough that... he liked spending time with her. He was comfortable talking to her about the less desirable effects of being on T, and she could gripe about her experiences with estrogen.
They were a safe place for each other.
His family didn't get it, but Himari's family was really supportive of her. Sometimes he was jealous of that. The support, even silent, would be nice. Better than the cold and hard looks his family gave him when he corrected them on his name and gender. His uncle hadn't even bothered to learn his new name even when it was recognized by the village. Even when it was on his official paperwork as a chunin.
At least Choza sensei had helped him with that.
“It's kind of funny, y'know?” Himari elbowed him lightly, and he agreed with a snort, “It'd be better if Obito tried to fix things though. The last thing we need is for Obito to make things...”
“Worse?” They shared an evil smile. “What do you have in mind?”
“Who is the person Kakashi can't stand?”
“... Ebisu.” He finally settled on it after thinking it over. He found the guy an annoying pervert.
“So, here's what we do.” She leaned in, and Genma nodded along, eyes widening as they both started to crack up.
“You're so evil.” Genma cackled.
“But you can make it happen?”
“Yeah, yeah of course. Sage... we should make a betting pool!”
Kakashi had been annoying him more than usual, so it would be a bit of harmless payback.
Or so he thought.
“Hey, Ebisu, hang back a minute with me? We'll catch up, Gai.”
Ebisu's skin pricked. He was always awkward around Genma even before the whole boy thing. He had nothing against the guy, but he was sure he'd say something rude so he tried not to talk at all.
“What?”
“So you know the whole... Gai and Kakashi thing, right?” He groaned. How could he not? Those two had been practically dating the last two weeks. What was worse was that rather than being the usual numpity he was, Obito had been getting a bit mean about the whole mess. “I need a favor.”
“I won't involve myself in such debauchery.”
“I can make it worth your while.” He sincerely doubted it. “I'm friends with Himari, right?” He nodded, not understanding the relevance. “She and Momo do their laundry together.” He suddenly felt hot blood rush through his whole body. “Willing to listen at least?”
He hesitated. Genma was... implying.... that Ebisu might perhaps come to look at or maybe evenpossesa pair of Momo's...
But the cost. He shouldn't rush ahead of himself. It sounded too good to be true.
“I'll listen.”
Genma had a small smile. He really hated it.
“Kakashi is oblivious that Obito likes him, clearly. Himari is tired of hearing about the whole thing, so we were thinking you tell Obito to hang out with you like Kakashi is with Gai, maybe he'll get it.”
“I refuse to date a man!”
“Not date! Just be seen around together. When Kakashi sees you two he'll get jealous and you can back out, they'll figure it out from their.” Ebisu ground his teeth. There was no way- “I can promise you once that happens, you'll get a pair of Momo's underwear. Himari says she's got lacy undies-!”
“Alright I'll do it!” He wasn't sure why he felt like he'd just sold his soul. “But what if Obito doesn't agree to do it?”
“Then don't worry about it. You'll have lost nothing.” He supposed that was true. And he could blame it on Genma if Obito thought he was a weirdo for offering to help him with this.
What could go wrong, honestly?
Obito had been asking Rin why Kakashi was mad at him for over month at this point. He couldn't remember having done anything wrong- he hadn't even mentioned his dads lately!
But Kakashi was avoiding him, canceling plans outside of missions, and lately he and Gai went everywhere together. Alone. Without him. He wasn't sure why but it made him... sour inside.
It made him mean.
What was so special about Gai anyway? His hair was kind of nice, but he always had it in that ugly half bowl/half mullet cut. His nose was big too, and his eyebrows were...
Did Kakashi like his eyebrows?
He fought himself trying to decide if he should just ask Rin or Shizune how to make his eyebrows a little thicker with makeup. That might be his last option, he'd hold on to it.
That was the point he was at when Ebisu of all people told him he'd give him a hand. Apparently Gai spending so much time with Kakashi was affecting their squad, and besides that, it was obvious that Kakashi didn't really find Gai that interesting. He just needed a push to realize how much more he'd prefer spending time with Obito.
That was how he found himself taking a walk with Ebisu around the time he usually ran into Kakashi and Gai.
He'd been skeptical but... Kakashi's visible eye had gone wide seeing them together.
Oh-ho!
It was like a light bulb going off. But Kakashi doubled down. The reaction hardly lasted a second before he was loudly asking Gai to go spar with him.
But it was working.
This was it. He'd just make Kakashi jealous! Ebisu was a bit of a weird choice, but if it got Kakashi to talk to him again he wouldn't mind!
